Painfully familiar breaking news of the day: a movie studio has decided to sacrifice artistic integrity for dirty dirty greed. Marvel, which so far has a pretty spotless record of producing smart and entertaining-as-hell superhero movies, has announced a plan to make five movies a year for the next 14 years, for a grand total of 70 high-flying flicks.
You can imagine the impetus behind this decision (and it sounds like ka-ching!), but will the studio really be able to produce that many movies and make them, you know, good?
Movies based on comic books are particularly tricky to pull off, since fantastical elements translate more readily to cartoonish images than to live-action film. Marvel has so far been smart enough to tap into comic books with grounded plots; Captain America and Iron Man start off as normal, relatable dudes before becoming superheroes, and Thor at least looks like a normal guy beneath his suit of otherworldly armor. But there's a reason there's been such a struggle to make a hit from a Hulk-focused film; a giant green beast who by necessity has to be brought to the screen with outlandish, eye-rolling special effects. Even Ang Lee couldn't pull it off.
Now that the best characters have already been brought to the screen, it seems Marvel is destined—and more than happy—to scrape a barrel of questionable choices. Here are three that have us worried about the company's grand and greedy plan:
1. Guardians of the Galaxy
First of all, even I'm going to feel really nerdy asking my friends, "Hey guys, want to see Guardians of the Galaxy with me this weekend?" (and believe me, I'm pretty nerdy to begin with). Second off, it's about a team of extraterrestrials on a mission to find an otherworldly orb, which is even nerdier—and vaguer—than I can stomach. Third off, it stars Bradley Cooper as a talking, gun-wielding raccoon named Rocket. We're totally serious.
The film comes out this August.
2. Ant-Man
The plot of this comic book/upcoming movie is a scientist who invents a substance to make him really small—a sort-of superhero Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Already, there's been squabbling about the right comedic tone to properly foil an inherently silly plot. We're not hopeful.
The film is slated to arrive in July, 2015.
3. Ka-Zar
This Tarzan-esque jungle-man character is a third-tier X-Man for a reason, yet there are rumors he will be brought to the screen in a standalone film. If for no other reason, we question this choice because the name makes us think of this.
For the moment, thank God, Ka-Zar at least remains speculative. But something tells us it will soon be green-lighted for the silver screen. Because, hey, a company has to buckle down and churn out that movie-meat if it ever wants to reap the glorious profits off 70 superhero films...even if that means banishing quality to another galaxy.
Image: Wikimedia Commons
